my poetically pathetic life:)

if you're reading this,which i doubt you will,and most probably you'll be hundred miles away by then i just want to tell you that i will miss you and i pray you'll come back safely.you said you'll need more time.guess i need it to.goodbye for now then.i love you friend.and i will wait.

forever ends today

i really tried staying awake you know.really tried.guess it must have been the pills.now i can t sleep.tell me,did i lose another night to him again?

cambodia took away everything.and i hate myself so so much now.i can never love again.

i miss you alot.guess it must have been 12 days since i last met you.

wish i could turn back time now.wish you could give me the same chance you gave him.wish my life could stop turning down into the shit hole.

do you know tt my life is the most fucked up among the rest but you were there to make a lot less worse.but now?

i've never felt so lonely in my life before

i know its largely my fault.but i dont think i deserve such a blow.I AM SO SORRY DEAR.

im willing to wait.i love you so so much.

i cant sleep now.rugby training in another four hours.hope the pain from the trainin can numb the pain in my heart.

hope the letters i wrote in cambodia means something to you.

i went to kembangan ytd with zp and brady.i walked all the way to your house.i had a feeling it would be my last.i walked slowly.savouring the same scene i had together with you.it hurts just thinking about it.luckily i had them with me.they gave me strength to walk out of there.

you could slit my throat.and with my one last gasping breath i'd apologise for bleeding on your shirt.

forever ends today

if anything happens all I WANT IS FOR YOU TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOURSELF.WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY,I'LL BE HAPPY AS WELL!I LOVE YOU FORVER AND EVER AND EVER.HAHA!

guess i have to make good my word then.

i know its too late but i still have to say it.seeing the life in cambodia, all i wanted when i get back was to make you happy to make up for all the nights you spent crying to sleep.i swore i'll change for the better.didnt realise your feelings could change so fast.too fast my dear.

when i was there,did you know i was reading the smses you sent over and over again?did you know i kept a photograph of us under my pillow just so i could look at it the first thing i wake up.did you know you were the reason i really feel happy bout coming back?

i know we did quarrel and you were unhappy with me most of the times but i thought we got stronger everytime we make up after that.15 months my dear.10 days.then it was all over.what happened to your forever love?loving you 24/7....what happened?

yesterday was the day i lost everything.i've been in a daze ever since i woke up.i dont know what to do.what to feel.anger?sadness?maybe a mix of both.

i dont mind if you're going to end it because you're unhappy with me and all.but i cant accept it if its because of him.i really cant.i feel cheated.

i've never stop you from going out with your friends right?never.but i just said know your limits.

i strongly believe that we had more good times than bad times but why did you say other wise?i've never been happier with anyone else other than you.seriously.

but if being with him truly makes you happy then i rest my case.hope we can still be friends.but just remember i'll never be the same again.im willing to wait.i really am.

because i truly love you and will always do.

im publishing here cos i know theres a higher chace you might read it here.i thought of writing it in your blog,our blog.but then i think it has lost its worth in your eyes already.so i apologise in advance if i may cause any adverse effect due to this post.i really dont mean it.i just want you to read it.

forever ends today

hey people im going off to cambodia pretty soon.im going to miss you ppl especially my brothers from different mothers.BRADY who has just turn 17.gregory who is going a rough time now-hope it gets better if not i'll screw my life together and zhipang who is always doing well most of the time.ferdi who is stressed over her studies.dont be alright.stay cool.stay ferdi.haha

.and to jolyn my sexy little bi...,er my sweet little girlfriend.im going to miss you so much too.just want you to take care of yourself alright.and whatever happens i just want you to be happy.and this is warning to all,no one messes with my girl:)haha.i might bully my girlfriend sometimes but oh well shes still my baby.eww:)

im going to especially miss my mom and dad and my little brother.wished i could spend more time with them before i go but oh well.and to both my grandmothers who are constantly worrying bout me i wish i could somehow make them feel better and that i'll be back.probably.lol.and also to my aunties who are constantly reminding me to take care of myself,believe me i will and i will cos your prayers are with me.specially thank bik ipa who has just given me us$130,i 'll try my super super best i'll get something especially nice just for you!haha.

pray that everything goes well and that i come back on the 26th

ps i love you

amir

forever ends today